4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
