I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
