To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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