I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
