Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
