So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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