I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
