dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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