I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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