You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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