I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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