I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
