I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize