You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
