sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
