You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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