Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
