Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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