I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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