She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
