So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
