Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
