kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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