No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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