I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this just has baby written all over it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize