Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
