Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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