i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
