Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I believe in your delicious
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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