In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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