i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
