It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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