Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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