six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
