We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
