just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
