We should be called the Road Head Warriors
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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