I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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