Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
