toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
