At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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