____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
