they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize