I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
