I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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