Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
