It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
