im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He has the fingertips of a God
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
