Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
