____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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