getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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