words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
