When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
