Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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