I'm drive I can fine osifer
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
