I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
