Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks