just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.