hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
