her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
