i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
