i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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