My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
