Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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