you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
