She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
