I wanna bring you to show and tell
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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