Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you