Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
