I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.