Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho