My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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