I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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