On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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