Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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