Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
