last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your penis caused this!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
