I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
