This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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