Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
