Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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